I have the most amazing familyin the world, to say the least. Who else can say they have seen their Aunties dress up as "Aunt Jamima" or The Chaqueta Banana lady?? the cool thing is, we do it every year areound this time... we have a fall fest wher ewe all go up to MI and dress up as stupid or funny as possible! This year my cousin and i were Q tips! My family is all about community, sharing *everything* and love.. oh yeah... an food!! WE never stop laughing, someone almost always pees their pants (bc of laughing), we always have amazing food, the fellowship is never ending, and the support and love shine consistantly through each person. We gave up trying to get everybody in the shower and make it to church on time (i have a HUGE family) so a few years ago we started hold our own church service, which is more amazing than any i have ever attended in any church. WE share a message, concerns, praises, or troubles. And the prayer just blows me away everytime. I never had such a relieving feeling as the one i get when i know some one in praying me through. or knowing how much my great grandmother craved for all of her children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren to have a personal relationship with Christ, and that she was such an amazing woman of GOD that her prayers are still coming though. LUKE 18: 1-14

Ecstacy is all you need,
Living in the big machine,
Now.
Oh you're so vain.
Now your world is way too fast.
Nothing's real and nothing lasts,
And I'm aware.
I'm in love but you don't care.
Turn your anger into lust,
I'm still here but you don't trust at all,
And I'll be waiting.
Love and sex and loneliness,
Take what's yours and leave the rest so I'll survive.
God it's good to be alive.
And I'm torn in pieces,
I'm blind and waiting for,
My heart is reeling,
I'm blind and waiting for you.
Still in love with all your sins,
Where you stop and I'll begin,
And I'll,I'll be waiting.
Living like a house on fire,
What you fear is your desire.
It's hard to deal,
I still love the way you feel.
Now this angry little girl,
Drowning in this petty world,
And I'm, Who you run to.
Swallow all your bitter pills,
That's what makes you beautiful.
You're all or not,
I don't need what you ain't got.

-the googoo dolls
THEY sure know how it is.


.in.my.world.

quierro paz.

"Out Of My League"
It's her hair and her eyes today that just simply take me away and the feeling that i'm falling further in love makes me shiver but in a good way
all the times i have sat and stared as she thoughtfully thumbs through her hair
and she purses her lips, bats her eyes as she plays,
with me sitting there slack-jawed and nothing to say coz i love her with all that i am and my voice shakes along with my hands coz she’s all that I see and she’s all that I need
and i'm out of my league once again it's a masterful melody when she calls out my name to me
as the world spins around her she laughs, rolls her eyes and i feel like i'm falling but it's no surprise coz i love her with all that i am and my voice shakes along with my hands cause it's frightening to be swimming in this strange sea but i'd rather be here than on land yes she's all that i see and she's all that i need and i'm out of my league once again.
-Stephen Speaks
I want this someday. I desirve this someday.

BLACK BALLOON
Baby's black balloon makes her fly
I almost fell into that hole in your life
And you're not thinking 'bout tomorrow
Cuz you were the same as me
But on your knees
A thousand other boys could never reach you
How could I have been the one?
I saw the world spin beneath you
And scatter like ice from the spoon that was your womb
Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Or are you someone's prayer?
You know the lies they always told you
And the love you never knew
What's the things they never showed you
That swallow the light from the sun inside your room, yeah
Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
Always someone there
And there's no time left for losin'
When you stand they fall, yeah
Comin' down the world turned over
And angels fall without you there
And I go on as you get colder
All because I'm
Comin' down the years turn over
And angels fall without you there
And I'll go on and I'll bring you home and
All because I'm
All because I'm
And I'll become
What you became to me

-goo goo dolls
This songs really hits home.

THE FRESHMEN
When I was young I knew everything and she a punk who rarely ever took advice
now i'm guilt stricken, sobbing with my head on the floor
stop a baby's breath and a shoe full of rice
I can't be held responsible cause she was touching her face
I won't be held responsible she fell in love in the first place
For the life of me I cannot remember what made us think that we were wise
and we'd never compromise for the life of me
I cannot believe we'd ever die for these sins we were merely freshmen
My best friend took a week's vacation to forget her
his girl took a week's worth of valium and slept
now he's guilt stricken sobbing with his head on the floor
thinks about her now and how he never really wept he says
We've tried to wash our hands of all of this we never talk of our lacking relationships
and how we're guilt stricken sobbing with our heads on the floor
we fell through the ice when we tried not to slip, we'd say
-the virve pipe
change the she to he.
i wish i didn't relate.

Roll to WHO
Look around your world pretty baby
Is it everything you hoped it’d be
The wrong guy, the wrong situation
The right time to roll to me
Look into your heart pretty baby,
Is it aching with some nameless need.
Is there something wrong and you can’t put your finger on it
Right then, roll to me
And I don’t think I have ever seen a soul so in despair
So if you want to talk the night through
Guess who will be there?
So don’t try to deny it pretty baby,
You’ve been down so long you can hardly see
When the engine’s stalled and it won’t stop raining
It’s the right time to roll to me

I got a call on the DVC hotline today just as i was leaving work. This woman who called had a story that just made me ache for her. I did all i could for her, gave her numbers to call, and just listened to her. Yet little did i know that her story was nothing more than a peice of fiction. BUT she did have a real story that made me physically sick. I cannot bare to repeat it but when vainity comes to the point when you will give away someone elses chance to live because you can't bare to have a simple scar on your flesh - what has this world come to?
WHO can i roll to? I was faced with the decision of submurging my feelings of this event or letting them out and keeping htem out. I chose to let them show. BUt i was soon shown that that had been the wrong decision... as i was expected to put on a fake smile and pretend it hadnt happened.. practice makes perfect and i did as i was expected. I literally went to the restroom and 'washed my hands' of the situation... and began my act. When the night came to a close and i was left to myself, the act came to an end as i sat in the parking lot crying out to God. Who can i 'roll to'? God. bc it is always 'the right time' to roll to Him.
i was recently told that in order to survive my job... which i do love, i would have to be 'prayed up'. i hope i get there.

COMPLICATED
I'm so scared that the way I feel,Is written all over my face.
When you walk into the room,I wanna find a hiding place.
We used to laugh, we used to hug, the way that old friends do.
But now, a smile and a touch of your hand,Just makes me come unglued.
Such a contridiction, do I lie or tell the truth.
Is it fact or fiction,Oh the way I feel for you.
So complicated, I'm so frustrated.
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay.
Should I say it? Should I tell you how I feel?
Oh, I want you to know.But then again, I don't.
It's so complicated.
Oh..just when I think I'm under control.
I think I finally got a grip.
Another friend tells me that,
My name is always on your lips.
They say I'm more than just a friend, they say I must be blind.
Well, I admit that I've seen you watch me from the corner of your eye.
Oh, It's so confusing. I wish you'd just confess.
But think of what I'd be losing, if your answer wasn't yes.
So complicated I'm so frustrated,
I wanna hold you close, I wanna push you away,
I wanna make you go, I wanna make you stay.
Should I say it, should I tell you how I feel.
Oh I want you to know, but then again I don't,
It's so complicated.Oh, I hate it.
'Cuz I've waited so long for someone like you Oh, what do I do.
Oh should I say it.Should I tell you how I feel.
I want you to know,but then again I don't.
It's so complicated..It's so complicated..It's so complicated.Ohh..
-Carolyn Dawn Johnson

I need... I want... I DESIRVE to feel protected. Confused is not protected. Protect me as a friend. AS a sister in CHRIST.... AS ______________. (whatever you feel goes in the blank.)
AS i pray for patients.

God is fond of you.
IF he had a wallet, your foto would be in it.
IF he had a fridge, your colorings would be on it.
He sends you flowers EVERY spring and a sunrise EACH morning.
Whenever you want to talk, He'll listen.
He can live ANYWHERE in the universe, but he chose your heart.
It may be difficult for you to believe that GOD knows your name...
but He does.
It is written on HIS hand.
Spoken by HIS mouth.
Whispered by HIS lips.
YOUR NAME.
Our hearts are not large enough to contain all the blessings God wants to give us.
So try this,
the next time a rise steals your breath,
or a meadow of flowers leaves you speachless,
remain that way.
SAY NOTHING.
Listen as the heavens whisper, "Do you like it? I did it just for YOU."
Did he have to make the squirells tail furry?
Was He obligated to make the birds sing?
Or the majesty of thunder when it rings?
Why give a flower fragrance?
Could it be that He loves to see the look on your face?
So promise me that you will never forget,
YOU are not an accident or an incident.
You are a gift to the world.
A divine work of art, signed by God.
YOU were knit together.
You were not mass-produced.
You are not an assembly line product.
You were delibertly planned,
specifically gifted,
and lovingly postioned on this earth.
By the master-craftsman Himself.
God is for YOU.
Maybe you don't want to trouble God with your hurts.
BUT He cares about you.
He is waiting for you,
to embrace you, wheather you succeed or fail.
Your Heavenly Father is VERY fond of you
and only wants to share His love with you.
Blessed be the Lord, YOUR God who has delighted in YOU.
Untethered by time,
GOD SEES US ALL.
HE saw us before we were born,
and HE loves what He sees.
Flooded by emotion.
Overcome with pride.
The Maker of the stars turns to us,
one by one
and says,
"YOU are my child. I love you dearly.
I'm aware that someday you will turn from me and walk away.
But I want you to know,
I've already provided a way back."
YOU have captured the heart of God.
He CANNOT bear to live without you.
God's dream is to make you right with Him.
And the path to the cross tell you exactly how far God will go to call us back.
It is NOT our love for GOD,
It is God;s love for us
in sending His son
to be the way to take away our sins.
Let a tear appear on your cheek,
and He is tere to wipe it.
HE has sent His angles to protect you.
His holy spirit to dwell in you.
His church to encourage you,
and His word to guide you.
AS much as you want to see Him,
He wants to see you more.
IF you want to touch God;s heart,
Use the name he loves to hear.
Call Him FATHER.
-Max Lucado "GOD thinks youare wonderful"

Dominic
Dom is 9 years old and he is 100% Italian. I had the privilige to have him as a camper at YMCA Adventure Camp in the summer of 2004. He loves to play tag, swim, but most of all he loves to sing. His father taught him to sing Italian Opera at a very young age and whenever he gets an opertuned moment he'll give you a show. I must admitt, he is very good. Sounds like a normal 9 yr old right? Wrong. Dominic Sirugo is the most amazing kid i have ever met. He has a passion for loving with out judgement. One day he came to me crying. Naturally concerned, I asked why he was crying. He wrapped his arms around my neck and plopped into my lap. "Tyler lied!" He whimpered. Now this was a normal thing, kids lie, SO I waited for him to go on. Barely above a whisper he said, " I don't want him to go to hell... when you lie you go to hell."He went on to tell me when we lie, it makes God sad. All he wanted was for his friends to be in heaven with him. I said a quick prayer, and I thanked God for making such a beautiful little boy and for giving me the honor of his hugs, of his love, and most of all for seeing his God centered heart. Often people have trouble excepting Dom. You see the thing I didn't mention... on purpose is that he is autistic, but why should this matter? Autism does not define Dom. People usually get a certain picture of what autism is or what it looks like, but Dom taught me to look past all that bc of his beautiful and compassionate heart.

Life, or somthing like it.
this.years.love.had.better.last.heaven.knows.it's.high.time.and.i've.been.waiting.on.my. own.too.long.but.when.you.hold.me.like.you. do.it.feels.so.right.i.start.to.forget.how.my.heart.gets.torn.when.that.hurt.gets.thrown.feeling.like.you.can't.go.on.
turning.circles.when.time.again.it.cuts.like.a.knife.oh.yeah.if.you.love.me.got.to.know.for. sure.cos.it.takes.somethin.more.this. time.than.sweet.sweet.lies.before.i.open.up.my.arms.and. fall.losing.all.control.every.dream.inside.my.soul.and.when.you.kiss.me.on.that.midnight.street.sweep.me.off.my.feet.singing.ain't.this.life.so.sweet.
.thisyearlovehadbetterlast.
-David Grey

This is what I am surrounded with. In other words... i go to AU. The capital of engagments.. love, and falling in love - fast.
That song up there ... yeah it's a good one if you have ever heard it. But it is also a personal stab in the chest for me. It really does "cut like a knife'' ... what i don't get is how the little things such as a fimiliar tree or even a patch of grass or even a simple song can flood back so many memories.
Define love- or dating- or even the point of falling in love. Happiness is a Warm Gun -The Beatles sang it well and proved a good point.

Empty words may work... they may even be believable ... and they leave a mark just as sincere ones would... but the mark it different. scar.tissue.