FAAAAT
It all started with one comment. I went to the doctor for a blood test.. long story, anyway, the nurse asked me to step on the scale. Normal routine. But when I got on, that old fear crept back as she pushed the weight past 120... past 130... and it landed on 135. I haven't weighed this much in years. Then the comment, "I would have never guess you weighed that much..." says the nurse.
That was a couple of weeks ago.. and I can't get it out of my head.
And now, I've begun noticing things.. my "fat" jeans have become my "actually-fit" jeans, and man, I eat ALL the time... my belly sticks out quite a bit... and I don't even have to push it out anymore to get the pregnant belly effect I always joke about... it's like I have a beer gut...and my boobs are huge!! They are popping out of my 34 C bras....
I just keep thinking about it.. and I find myself ignoring my feelings of hunger... preferring to feel the satisfaction of an empty stomach rather than a full bloated one.
I want so bad to beat this DAMN eating disorder... but it has come down to a choice. Would I rather beat it and be fat or Give in a little and feel comfortable with my weight?
It's like my mom said, "Why would you ever want to weigh over 130lbs?"
It all started with one comment. I went to the doctor for a blood test.. long story, anyway, the nurse asked me to step on the scale. Normal routine. But when I got on, that old fear crept back as she pushed the weight past 120... past 130... and it landed on 135. I haven't weighed this much in years. Then the comment, "I would have never guess you weighed that much..." says the nurse.
That was a couple of weeks ago.. and I can't get it out of my head.
And now, I've begun noticing things.. my "fat" jeans have become my "actually-fit" jeans, and man, I eat ALL the time... my belly sticks out quite a bit... and I don't even have to push it out anymore to get the pregnant belly effect I always joke about... it's like I have a beer gut...and my boobs are huge!! They are popping out of my 34 C bras....
I just keep thinking about it.. and I find myself ignoring my feelings of hunger... preferring to feel the satisfaction of an empty stomach rather than a full bloated one.
I want so bad to beat this DAMN eating disorder... but it has come down to a choice. Would I rather beat it and be fat or Give in a little and feel comfortable with my weight?
It's like my mom said, "Why would you ever want to weigh over 130lbs?"
posted by MaryeAudra | 7:54 PM
2 Comments:
i prefer to think of it as you coming down to this choice: beating it- feeling comfortable with who you are as a person; a beautiful woman with an incredibly huge heart for people? or letting it beat you- stuck in a place where you can only see your self worth as an outward appearance?
i agree with what the other anonymous said. remember everyone struggles with self image, its not this giant mountain that you alone have to face your a beautiful person no matter how much you weigh. and i and everyone else will always see you as that.
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