It seems as though I am surrounded my men.
From my heart to my head... even at work... old, young, appealing, compelling, standard, and forward... all diverse. Though it seems that there is always one that consumes my head and my heart in ways different than the last. Though I feel as though my heart earns each male tugs at different heart strings in diverse timing for diverse reasons.
It seems as though I have the super hero power of making men fall for me... but I am cursed with it never being the man in which my heart aches for. Am I vain? Are my standards set too high? The men that fall for me smoother me... they become unappealing ... undesired. Does it all revolve around "the chase"? Do I want them because I cannot get them? I have felt passion where there has been to love... I have felt lust. Will there ever be that man where love is reciprocal? Am I capable of loving a man that loves me in return? Will I ever let myself achieve pure intimacy and emotional involvement or am I meant to search for the unachievable for forever? They say when you find "the one" that all is different.. that you just know. I know I am young... but a part of me yearns for that love, for that reciprocity... but a part of me feels that i am incapable of such wholeness.
I have a man I want. A man I crave to be in his arms instead of alone in my bed. A man who knows me on a different level than most. The man whose connection I felt deeper than any other. A man whose arms I feel asleep in... the first to hold me and give me peace and serenity while I drifted off to sleep. But he is also a man committed to his contracted lifestyle, while his free spirit craves to be freed. He is a friend and a lover, yet distance is not the sole thing that separates us. Though we both are free spirits and our souls connect, our paths stray.

I have a secret that I feel is attention seeking at this point in time.. though I feverishly wish to tell him in hopes that he loves me enough to make it all right.